Song Lyrics on a rainy Monday

So I'll stand

with arms high and heart abandoned

in awe of the one who gave it all

So I'll stand

my sould Lord to you surrendered,

all I have is yours

What can I say? What can I do?

To offer this heart O, God

completely to you?

The Wall

"Here's the truth--and this one is thouroughly Biblical: throughout life, you will face one situation after another that will be completely beyond what you can handle. Situations that force you to make a choice--either abandon God or worship him in the midst of a Plan B situation."

-Pete Wilson, "Plan B"

Okay, so my birthday was over Thanksgiving break and it was great. But ever since I've been back at school, it's really hit me just how OLD I'm becoming. The years of relying on Mom and Dad for everything are quickly dissipating and I've come to the point in my life where my decisions are MINE to make. Mom and Dad don't have much say anymore, because ultimately, my decisions affect me now. I really hate saying I'm twenty years old. I miss having the "teen" on the end of my age. Seriously. So, with this "old" age, I've been praying and growing through this book called "Plan B" by Pete Wilson. If you have not read it, please get it. The book is about what to do when your plan and God's plan don't correlate with each other--what to do when "Plan A" has to become "Plan B". The book has been so convicting because, as you know from reading my blog, I've always been the type that wants to have control over every situation possible...right down to where I'll be in 15 years, no big deal.
Well, the chapter I'm currently praying through is called "Darkness," and in it, Pete talks about a metaphorical "wall." Here are some of Pete's quotes that God has really used to open my eyes to the reality that those decisions I talked about earlier aren't really mine to make anymore.

• "A difficult truth to grasp is the reality that God loves us enough to strip us of anything that keeps us from him. Often, these things are good things. But, if for some reason they are keeping us from knowing God as we should, he may take them out of our lives."
• "The Wall represents Our will meeting God's will face to face...fundamentally, it has to do with slowly breaking through the barriers we have built between our will and a newer awareness of God in our lives."

Within the past few months, God has really been revealing to me a lot of idols in my life, and "stripping" me of them in order to show me that I need to focus on him. Luckily, Pete's book came at just the right time. As I prepare for many changes in my life here at PC, I just pray that God helps prepare me for my "Plan B" situations...which he already has in the form of summer plans. I really have a strong desire to work in an office with a high paying salary and benefits and weekends off, etc.. But God has really placed it in my heart to work in my church. So today, I applied for an internship with NewSpring in Florence and whizzed on by the application for the office in Florence doing Secretary work where I can stare at Facebook all day. Although to you, this sitauation may not seem like such a big deal, but to me, it's taking a huge step of faith. You see, I'm not notified if I get the internship or not until April. That leaves me 3 weeks to find an alternative plan if that's not what God has in mind for me...and a whole lot of waiting without knowing time between now and April 18th.

So basically, the whole point of this entry was to tell you to:

A) Go get Pete Wilson's "Plan B". right now.

B) Pray for this girl and her summer plans. And her inability to hand decisions over to anyone else.

C) Allow me to pray for you. I pray that you hand your decisions over to God and let him do with them what He wants. I pray that you trust God and that you take a step of faith and you see Him deliver in miraculous ways. I pray that for all of us, including myself.

Much Love,

Emma

PS: Exams are next week. Prayers up to the Big Guy much appreciated.

Peace and Blessings, Peace and Blessings

True Life: I haven't blogged in 2 months

In an attempt to avoid a 8 page blogpost updating you on what's been going on, I'm just going to show you all in picture.

A) Mallard Ball!!

For those that don't know, Mallard Ball is an ADPi function in which everyone dresses up in Camo and just has a great time. This year it was at Clinton House and the band, Big Swig, proved to be so much fun. Below is my beautiful pledge class! My Hott Date


B) Dukes of Hazzard

C) BID DAY! The best day in the whole world. The theme this year was "Just Did It" and it consisted of sweat bands, neon sunglasses, and some really awesome t-shirts.

Below is my fam, before we received our two new babies!

My awesome pledge class showin' off our pledge class swag

My wonderful new little sister, Kate! She rocks!

D) Halloween: me and my 101 sisters along with our President, dressed up as the 101 dalmations and Kat dressed up as Cruella Deville. Pretty amazing, huh?

E) Parents Weekend: First of all, may I just point out that Kate and I wore matching dresses and it was completely unplanned...we would.

My wonderful mom and step dad! They are amazing!

So there you go, the past two months.

I'll blog more when I have the time.

Much Love,
Emma

PS: 17 days until I'm 20!

Realities of saying yes...

So. I have a problem. And I'm going to share it with you in hopes that someone out there will read this and be inspired to avoid from encountering this problem.
What is my problem, you ask? Well, you see, I have the complete inability to say NO to anything. When asked to serve on a committee, lead a Bible study, volunteer for an event, etc, my immediate reaction is to say yes. Not that I don't genuinely want to serve on all of these things, I do! I just honestly do NOT have the time. Thus far this year, I have said yes to 2 Bible Studies, being on the executive committee for Up Til' Dawn (A fundraising campaign for Saint Jude), Student Council, Volunteering at Newspring, Bluefish, and being a Highlander for Sterlings (meaning that every Tuesday, at 3pm, this girl gives a tour. In an effort to avoid bragging on myself (trust me, this is not the point of this whole thing), I would love to encourage tips from the very few of you that read this blog; what is a girl to do? How does one learn to say NO?
It's so easy for me to say No to so many things; for example.
"Hey, wanna cigarette?" ...NO.
"Hey, wanna go water skiing?"...NO.
"Hey, wanna foot massage?"...absolutely not.
But why is it that when I'm approached about getting involved with something, my immediate response is to get so excited about it, and immediately to sign up? Don't get me wrong, I really am super excited aobut everything I'm involved in this year. There's so many great opportunities to glorify God through all of these amazing opportunities, but I'm worried about time management. Thus far, with all of this, I have one night of freedom in my weeks. That night is Friday nights. Every other night (excluding Saturdays) is completely full.
So, this is my advice to the 4 or 5 of you that read this blog that may or may not be struggling with this; learn to say no. Pray that God shows you what you need to be involved in so that you can give it your everything, instead of giving some of yourself to 5 or 6 things. It's better to do ONE thing really well than to do 5 things semi-decent. trust me on that. And hey, while you're sending some prayers up to the big guy, mind saying one for me, too? I've really been struggling with listening to everything God has planned for me, and what I have planned for myself, and differing between the two. Oh, and along all of that, keeping up with my school work. (PS: two papers and a test next week...blogging is going to be put on pause for the next week or so).
1 Corinthians 9:26-27 tells us:
"So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified."

I've really been reflecting on that tonight and praying that God shows me where to run, how to discipline my body to be under control, and how to avoid worrying about everything at once. I'm learning to take a breath, maybe a second breath, and just taking it a minute at a time. Taking it a project, a paper, a speech, a test at a time, and doing my very best to glorify God in all of it. (Although I'm not quite sure how to glorify God in my paper about Oedipus and Gilgamesh...still trying to figure that one out).

Anyways, my whole point in all of this nonsense is this:

Learn to say no. Learn to pray to God before you get in over your head so that He will tell you what you need to be active in. Don't be like me and immediately say yes to everyhing...because you will soon find yourself with one night of free time, and an extremely confusing calendar.

I get to go home this weekend, and it's the last time I get to go home before Fall Break (which is at the end of October). Here's to a weekend of relaxation, paper writing, and some well-needed family bonding time.

Much Love,

Emma

Poetry

Oy. Just the thought of the word "poetry" has always sent chills up my spine. Well, as a requirement for my major, I have to take a poetry workshop class; meaning that not only will I be studying poetry, I will be writing and critiquing my own. So, let's recap:
I've always hated poetry. I've always been terrified of poetry. So, of course, now I have to study it and write my own.
Oh yeah...and my first poem can't rhyme. hmm..

Anywho, so the topic of said first poem for the class was to be written about a childhood memory. What usually comes to mind when people think of their childhood? Family vacations, brothers and sisters, and sports? I dont know. What I do know is what came to my mind...one word that predestined a whole decade of my existence...The Bowl Cut.
Ahh, the bowl cut. So just to catch you up with the story:
When I was growing up, I looked like a boy. Wanna know why? Well, for one, it was my inability to lose any babyfat until I was about the age of 16, how I was taller than any girl (or boy) in my grade for about 7 years, how my cheeks seemed to stay rosy red at all seasons of the year, and lastly, it was the thick-framed harry potter glasses that I sported from 3rd grade on throughout middle school. And on top of all of THAT...we add a bowl cut.
Mom, in an effort to provide herself with ease in getting me ready in the morning, decided one day that cutting my hair off would be a great idea. (Not exactly sure if that was her exact thinking process...I'm sure there was a positive motive in there somewhere) Well, in 5th grade Emma the boy went to sing in New York City. Story time number two:
Boy Emma gets on the tour bus, greeted by a sweet tour guide; a little old lady merely trying to deal with the fact that she had about 40 middle schoolers on a tour bus. So, this lady is introducing herself to each of us, and when she gets to me, out comes one of the most difficult sentences I've ever had to hear..."My, you're a handsome young man. What's your name?" You would have thought that she had just hit me over the head with a club. I cried the rest of the trip, and from that day forward, mom promised to never make decisions regarding anything about my appearance (which, when I became a teenager, she probably should have).

Now that you've heard the story, I'll let you stick to the mental image of all of that as I present to you, my first poem:

"The Bowl Cut"

Fifth grade, mom said it was time

for a hair cut.

A snip here, a snip there

In the kitchen, a top a stool.

Mom, with scissors in hand,

wacking away at the locks

once belonging to her little princess,

now belonging to her prince.

Uneven bangs

accenting the round crooked glasses

and rosey red cheeks of my awkward stage.

Choppy all around, a straight edge

ceasing to exist.

Oh, the bowl cut.

How I loathe you

for turning my awkward stage

into an awkward decade.

Don't be too critical...like I said; I've always hated poetry and have never understood it.

Although I wish I had a picture to put up with this blog, I think the mental image serves its purpose. Hope you enjoyed my little ode to my awkward stage. I'm sure you've had one too.

Much Love,
Emma

Fully Committed.

What does it mean to be fully committed to something? Giving it your all? Not giving up no matter the circumstances? Perservering through challenges to get to something much better...or something that you're unsure of?
The past few weeks have taught me what being fully committed to the Lord is, and it's been one of the hardest lessons I've ever had to learn.
So a few weeks ago I battled the whole "where does God want me" battle. I struggled with what he wants me to do and what he has laid out for my life. Being a Type A personality, I like to have everything in check. I dot my "i"s and cross my "t"s twice then look over my list once more. I like having a plan and I like when everything goes accordingly. However, I think I've decided that God is a type B personality. Even if He has a plan for my life, he spontaneously drops it on me and expects me to make do...something not so easy for us Type A personalities. However, this summer has taught me that going with the flow is just something I need to learn to do. Trusting God to show me what to do and expecting him to fight my battles along the way is so scary yet so inticing at the exact same time. Put all of my faith in this one God and expect him to take care of me for eternity. Simple command...difficult follow through.
I've officially been back at school for a week and I've been SO busy. Bluefish meetings and orientation activities have left me exhausted yet pumped up for my Sophomore year of college. Although coming in this year I have a complete different view of what I want to do with my life versus my plan last year (Biology is just not the major for me.), I am confidant that God is going to show me where he wants me. Until then, I just have to trust in him completely and pray that I have the patience to stay along for the ride until His plan falls into place. Do I know where I'll be a year from now? A week from now? Tomorrow night? No. But I have to just trust that God DOES and he knows what's best for me better than anyone else.

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and from wrath; do not fret- it only leads to evil, for evil men will be cut off but those who Hope in the Lord will inherit the Land."
Psalm 37: 7-9

Pray for Patience and Trust in your amazing God.
Much Love,
Emma

PS: Classes start tomorrow and I could really use some prayers up to JC for some focus and stress-relievers this semester.

Loving, Learning, and Laughing

Where oh where has the time gone?

Looking at the calendar and realizing that I only have a week left at home sends so many emotions running through me that it's overwhelming. I feel excited that I get to go back to PC and see all of my amazing friends and the community that surrounds me, anxious about classes and responsibilities...but there's something else. An indescribable feeling consisting of every emotion possible to the highest degree...not happy but not sad.
Today was my last Sunday with the Florence Newspring crew for a few months. If there was ever a Sunday to go out with a bang this was surely the Sunday! They started their "I love the 80's" series and it was so amazing. (Something to add to the list of things I never thought I would ever do...dress in costume for church.) Looking back at this summer, I've come to the realization that I have grown so much as an individual...not just in my maturity, but in my walk with God. I've learned that MY plan is not always what HIS plan is...in fact, his plan is 100x better than anything I could ever imagine! I've learned that if you take a leap of faith into unknown situations (ie; The Gauntlet), the outcome can be amazing. I've learned that surrounding yourself with people who love God and have a relationship with him is necessary to have a healthy walk with the Lord. I've learned that patience is a virtue...something I'm still working on.
Most of all, though, I've learned that trusting God with my whole heart and giving him everything and every plan and every idea in my life is completely riveting. Hard, yet so rewarding. It's so awesome to know that God has a plan for my life and that, in due time, He will unravel it for me and reveal to me where to go. Until then, it's necessary to swallow the lump in my throat, jump, and just pray that my faith keeps me afloat.

The Gauntlet was perhaps the most amazing experience I've ever had as a leader...ever. 1400+ kids and leaders all worshiping a God who loves us more than we could ever imagine simply took my breath away at times. Looking from the back of the huge auditorium and seeing a group of amazing kids worshiping and singing and clapping and praying and dancing for a God who saved them and saves so many lives every day...there are no words to properly describe the chill bumps and tears of happiness that were brought to me every single morning and night.
I got to experience a sunrise baptism Thursday morning, witnessing the baptism of more than 250 youth...so awesome. I witnessed a girl in my own room committing her life to Christ and experienced the joy of sharing the word of Christ with her. I had so many awesome conversations with my small group and can't wait to see God work in their lives.

This summer, God has shown me his true power and his true grace, of which I'm so undeserving.