all you have is prayer.
all you have is your faith.
and all you have is your God.
Today, that is perfectly okay with me.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tested
So ya know that blog post a few weeks back where I asked for a true test of my faith? Hah, well God has a funny sense of humor. These past few weeks have provided me with more tests than imaginable. For starters, persisting in my trust and strength in my Grandmas treatment. I just get a little frustrated sometimes that God hasn't given her some sort of sign to show her the light at the end of the tunnel. Even though it's the fifth of seven weeks of treatment, she just seems so discouraged lately, especially since her symptoms (rash, loss of taste, nausea) have really started to kick in full force. I continually pray that God will give her some sort of sign to let her know that it's going to be okay; I don't know if he's not providing the sign or if she's just failing to see it. Either way, it's super frustrating and it's taught me a lot about controlling my helplessness. That's truly been one of the hardest things for me to grasp in the past few months. How do I help when there's really nothing for me to help with? God has started to show me that sometimes our faith is all we really have to help us through situations; and sometimes, prayer is all we have to help us make it over the next herdel.
Because of her symptoms, Mom has started staying over there during most of the week to help my Grandpa take care of my Grandma and to just be there for them. Even though she only lives 20 minutes away in Florence, it's still been an adjustment getting used to Mom not being home all the time. It's taught me a lot about being selfless...My grandma surely needs my mom a lot more than I do right now and God has used this situation in a way to make me thankful for her when she's home and even when she's not. Something that I have always found really hard to say is that "I'm proud of my Mom" Not because I'm NOT proud of her, but because I don't have another word for it. It's beyond being proud of her...its admirable... with everything that she has going on right now, it's so unfathomable how one human can go to work, take care of me and my sister, still maintain her relationship with her husband, and still manage to cook and clean and maintain BOTH households... closest thing to superwoman I've ever witnessed! I don't know how she hasn't completely gone bonkers by this point. All I can say is that if anything ever happens that puts me in the situation of being a caregiver, I do half of what my mom has managed for her mom. (if you want to stay updated with my Grandmas progress check out her website www.caringbridge.com/visit/bettybakercarlson)
Secondly, I just want to reiterate that I truly have been blessed with some of the best kids to babysit this summer. But, again with the patience, God has provided me with the challenge to improve it. Sometimes, I just have to swallow that lump of frustration and calm down and explain to them...for the 700th time...the importance of not hitting your friends with foam baseball bats. Or why it's really necessary to close the door when you potty. Regardless, the happy times have outweighed the angry but I'm thankful that God has provided me with these opportunities to work on my patience and my ability to relate to these kids. Katie, the oldest of the three, and I had a really remarkable conversation the other week. I was outside watching them play and reading my Bible when she came up and started asking me about what I was reading. I did my best to explain my reading of Jeremiah and to my surprise she understood (granted, she got the cliffnotes version. Jeremiah is quite a lengthy chapter) most of what I was saying. It's so surprising to me sometimes how God pops up in the most unexpected places...like in the conversation with a 10-year old about her faith and how exactly we are supposed to pray and share him with other people. There's only one explanation for that...it's so God.
Thirdly, God has put to test my faith in a way that I'm still struggling with. He has pressed something so hard on my heart that it's one of those situations that it's like "Well God, this is going really great in my life and it's working out pretty awesome for me. Are you sure you want me to give you this?" And consistently, everytime, he responds with "yes". Dangit. I have just continually prayed that he helps me to let this thing go, but it continues to stay in my life. I need prayers from you guys (you know...all 5 of you that read this blog) that I gain the strength and courage in God to let this thing go because it's truly a life changing decision.
The Gauntlet is less than a month away and I'm growing more and more anxious yet excited! I get my own group of 4 girls and am responsible for them all week. Not exactly like camp because I'll have high schoolers, but more like Christian Chaperoning, I guess. I really can't wait to see what all God has in store for that week and I just pray that I'm ready to help share his word with young people and help them make a life saving decision...the best one I've ever made!
"But the Lord said to me 'Do not say 'I am only a child'. You must go to everyone I send you and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you', declares the Lord." Jeremiah 1:7-8
Much Love,
Emma
Because of her symptoms, Mom has started staying over there during most of the week to help my Grandpa take care of my Grandma and to just be there for them. Even though she only lives 20 minutes away in Florence, it's still been an adjustment getting used to Mom not being home all the time. It's taught me a lot about being selfless...My grandma surely needs my mom a lot more than I do right now and God has used this situation in a way to make me thankful for her when she's home and even when she's not. Something that I have always found really hard to say is that "I'm proud of my Mom" Not because I'm NOT proud of her, but because I don't have another word for it. It's beyond being proud of her...its admirable... with everything that she has going on right now, it's so unfathomable how one human can go to work, take care of me and my sister, still maintain her relationship with her husband, and still manage to cook and clean and maintain BOTH households... closest thing to superwoman I've ever witnessed! I don't know how she hasn't completely gone bonkers by this point. All I can say is that if anything ever happens that puts me in the situation of being a caregiver, I do half of what my mom has managed for her mom. (if you want to stay updated with my Grandmas progress check out her website www.caringbridge.com/visit/bettybakercarlson)
Secondly, I just want to reiterate that I truly have been blessed with some of the best kids to babysit this summer. But, again with the patience, God has provided me with the challenge to improve it. Sometimes, I just have to swallow that lump of frustration and calm down and explain to them...for the 700th time...the importance of not hitting your friends with foam baseball bats. Or why it's really necessary to close the door when you potty. Regardless, the happy times have outweighed the angry but I'm thankful that God has provided me with these opportunities to work on my patience and my ability to relate to these kids. Katie, the oldest of the three, and I had a really remarkable conversation the other week. I was outside watching them play and reading my Bible when she came up and started asking me about what I was reading. I did my best to explain my reading of Jeremiah and to my surprise she understood (granted, she got the cliffnotes version. Jeremiah is quite a lengthy chapter) most of what I was saying. It's so surprising to me sometimes how God pops up in the most unexpected places...like in the conversation with a 10-year old about her faith and how exactly we are supposed to pray and share him with other people. There's only one explanation for that...it's so God.
Thirdly, God has put to test my faith in a way that I'm still struggling with. He has pressed something so hard on my heart that it's one of those situations that it's like "Well God, this is going really great in my life and it's working out pretty awesome for me. Are you sure you want me to give you this?" And consistently, everytime, he responds with "yes". Dangit. I have just continually prayed that he helps me to let this thing go, but it continues to stay in my life. I need prayers from you guys (you know...all 5 of you that read this blog) that I gain the strength and courage in God to let this thing go because it's truly a life changing decision.
The Gauntlet is less than a month away and I'm growing more and more anxious yet excited! I get my own group of 4 girls and am responsible for them all week. Not exactly like camp because I'll have high schoolers, but more like Christian Chaperoning, I guess. I really can't wait to see what all God has in store for that week and I just pray that I'm ready to help share his word with young people and help them make a life saving decision...the best one I've ever made!
"But the Lord said to me 'Do not say 'I am only a child'. You must go to everyone I send you and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you', declares the Lord." Jeremiah 1:7-8
Much Love,
Emma
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
So much going on!
May I just apologize on my complete lack of posts lately? Things have been so hectic around here.
So, why in the world am I up at 9:47 on a Friday morning? Even better question; why am I blogging at 9:47 on a Friday morning? One word; three kids: Babysitting.
This summer, I've been blessed to be babysitting two 6 year olds and a 10 year old. At first, it seemed like I was way in over my head. But, this being the first week, I've learned so much about myself and about kids. First of all, something that I guess you can say I've re-learned is how big their imaginations are! For example, as I type, the three kids are playing surgeon with a dog, an alien, and a puppet. One has severe allergies to bird seed, one got cut while on a treasure hunt, and one fell out of his UFO. (I'll let you guess which one is which...quite frankly I'm not sure either.) The medical bill for all of this? $80,000,000,000...I think that's the right amount of zeros. Anyways, they currently have kleenex taped to their mouths as surgeon masks and are running around with legos as their surgical tools. Now that's how you play doctor! See the pic below for a picture of the surgeons...
Second, something that I've needed to learn; patience. Because I take them to the pool a lot, I have to learn patience. Whether it's patience with them in the pool, patience in how long it takes them to get in the car, patience on how slowly they eat their lunch, or patience on how long it taked them to take their swimmies off. I've learned to let them just do their thing...while watching them with a close eye of course! Although waking up at 6:30 every morning isn't my idea of "fun", I surely couldn't have asked for a better group of kids to babysit. They are so fun and barely fight (we'll see how that goes...like I said, it's just week 1).
In other news, I have rediscovered the wonderful world of self-selected reading! So far this month, I've read 3 amazing books: 90 Minutes in Heaven, Vision in White, and, my personal favorite, Letters to God. Although all three were really good, I definitely reccommend Letters to God. I didn't expect it, but it talked a lot about cancer and the questions associated with it. It's about a little boy, aged 13, who is diagnosed with brain cancer. Just a few months earlier, the family lost their dad in a horrible car accident. The book is about the family's struggle to get back on their feet while at the same time dealing with the boy's cancer. In order to vent, the little boy, Tyler, writes Letters to God and puts them in the mail box. Well, I won't give away the story, but let's just say they help a lot more people than you'd think. It's funny how God works sometimes. Like, how he can use a 13-year old boy to touch so many lives. Or, how he uses kids to show us our inner imagination again. Pretty cool.
I received some of the most exciting news of my young life last week, and I have to share it. The last week of July I will be going to Daytona Beach, FL for The Gauntlet; a youth trip with Newspring. There will be close to 1000 youth there and I have been asked to go as a small group leader! I'll have 4 of my own youth to talk to as small group, but I'll also help witness to other young people as well. I absolutely can't wait to watch God change so many lives! I'm nervous because, other than a few of the volunteers, I don't know a lot of people going. I just like to think of it as God's way of making me take that next step; although uncomfortable, it's what is necessary for me to continue my walk with him. I absolutely can't wait to minister to these kids and can't wait to see him do work. He is SO good!
That's pretty much all that's going on around here!
Hope your summer is going great;
Much Love,
Emma
So, why in the world am I up at 9:47 on a Friday morning? Even better question; why am I blogging at 9:47 on a Friday morning? One word; three kids: Babysitting.
This summer, I've been blessed to be babysitting two 6 year olds and a 10 year old. At first, it seemed like I was way in over my head. But, this being the first week, I've learned so much about myself and about kids. First of all, something that I guess you can say I've re-learned is how big their imaginations are! For example, as I type, the three kids are playing surgeon with a dog, an alien, and a puppet. One has severe allergies to bird seed, one got cut while on a treasure hunt, and one fell out of his UFO. (I'll let you guess which one is which...quite frankly I'm not sure either.) The medical bill for all of this? $80,000,000,000...I think that's the right amount of zeros. Anyways, they currently have kleenex taped to their mouths as surgeon masks and are running around with legos as their surgical tools. Now that's how you play doctor! See the pic below for a picture of the surgeons...
Second, something that I've needed to learn; patience. Because I take them to the pool a lot, I have to learn patience. Whether it's patience with them in the pool, patience in how long it takes them to get in the car, patience on how slowly they eat their lunch, or patience on how long it taked them to take their swimmies off. I've learned to let them just do their thing...while watching them with a close eye of course! Although waking up at 6:30 every morning isn't my idea of "fun", I surely couldn't have asked for a better group of kids to babysit. They are so fun and barely fight (we'll see how that goes...like I said, it's just week 1).
In other news, I have rediscovered the wonderful world of self-selected reading! So far this month, I've read 3 amazing books: 90 Minutes in Heaven, Vision in White, and, my personal favorite, Letters to God. Although all three were really good, I definitely reccommend Letters to God. I didn't expect it, but it talked a lot about cancer and the questions associated with it. It's about a little boy, aged 13, who is diagnosed with brain cancer. Just a few months earlier, the family lost their dad in a horrible car accident. The book is about the family's struggle to get back on their feet while at the same time dealing with the boy's cancer. In order to vent, the little boy, Tyler, writes Letters to God and puts them in the mail box. Well, I won't give away the story, but let's just say they help a lot more people than you'd think. It's funny how God works sometimes. Like, how he can use a 13-year old boy to touch so many lives. Or, how he uses kids to show us our inner imagination again. Pretty cool.
I received some of the most exciting news of my young life last week, and I have to share it. The last week of July I will be going to Daytona Beach, FL for The Gauntlet; a youth trip with Newspring. There will be close to 1000 youth there and I have been asked to go as a small group leader! I'll have 4 of my own youth to talk to as small group, but I'll also help witness to other young people as well. I absolutely can't wait to watch God change so many lives! I'm nervous because, other than a few of the volunteers, I don't know a lot of people going. I just like to think of it as God's way of making me take that next step; although uncomfortable, it's what is necessary for me to continue my walk with him. I absolutely can't wait to minister to these kids and can't wait to see him do work. He is SO good!
That's pretty much all that's going on around here!
Hope your summer is going great;
Much Love,
Emma
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Esther
So tonight I studied the book of Esther and it was so empowering! It made me crave an opportunity to prove my faith. I've always wanted a true test of my faith; not just a really bad week or a fight with a friend. A true test. Then it got me thinking...what would I do if I was truly tested? I would like to think that I would be Esther and stand for what I believe in and go against the odds...heck, for her it was against the law. Sadly, there are too many times in my past to count that I've gone against my faith..gone with what the crowd wants. I just hope that sometime, in the future, whenever my faith is truly put to the test that I pass with flying colors. I have a God whose love is SO unfathomable for me and who loves me regardless. Let's hope I'm strong like my good friend Esther and surpass my expectations.
Something else that is quite interesting about this book, and why it's not printed in every Bible, is that it's the ONLY book in the Bible that never mentions God, Worship, Prayer, OR Sacrifice. Whoever wrote this book is believed to have used that as a means of directing the readers attention to the fact that it is GOD who controls and directs all the seemingly insignificant coincidences that make up that plot of the book and the issue of deliverance of the jews. Sometimes it's so crazy to me that God is everywhere...he is everyone and everything I look at and observe. It's so crazy that at times I forget it and then He always has a funny way to bring it back into light.."Hey, Emma! I'm right here, and I'm STILL Great!" I just pray that one day, especially the day that I'm tested, I have the strength to stand up for my beliefs...regardless of what the crowd is doing!
What Gives you Strength in your faith? I want to challenge you to seriously think about this question. Not what gives you strength at school and in your relationships with your friends...what gives you strength in your faith? What would your response be to a serious test of your faith (like the possibility of death)? What gives you that CONSTANT assurance that God is everywhere? Think about it, and you might be surprised at your answer.
Much Love,
Emma
Something else that is quite interesting about this book, and why it's not printed in every Bible, is that it's the ONLY book in the Bible that never mentions God, Worship, Prayer, OR Sacrifice. Whoever wrote this book is believed to have used that as a means of directing the readers attention to the fact that it is GOD who controls and directs all the seemingly insignificant coincidences that make up that plot of the book and the issue of deliverance of the jews. Sometimes it's so crazy to me that God is everywhere...he is everyone and everything I look at and observe. It's so crazy that at times I forget it and then He always has a funny way to bring it back into light.."Hey, Emma! I'm right here, and I'm STILL Great!" I just pray that one day, especially the day that I'm tested, I have the strength to stand up for my beliefs...regardless of what the crowd is doing!
What Gives you Strength in your faith? I want to challenge you to seriously think about this question. Not what gives you strength at school and in your relationships with your friends...what gives you strength in your faith? What would your response be to a serious test of your faith (like the possibility of death)? What gives you that CONSTANT assurance that God is everywhere? Think about it, and you might be surprised at your answer.
Much Love,
Emma
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Weekly (uh, monthly?) update
You would think that being on summer break, I would have plenty of time to blog. Wrong. Anyways here's whats been happening...
After many weeks of preparation, doctor's appointments, and hope, Monday is the true beginning of the battle. Me-ma (my grandmother) is starting chemotherapy on Monday. As said by my mama "This will be the most difficult part of the journey." Up until the past few weeks, I've never truly known my grandmothers strength. Like I said in a previous blog post, our family has never really had to deal with this first hand, so I guess I've never had to see her strength be tested. But looking back on the last few months, as she's begun this battle with her cancer, I finally realized how crazy strong she is!
I will surely keep everyone updated but as of now, I just wanted to ask y'all to keep her and my family in your prayers!
Some of my "summer to-do list" points are being fulfilled! Chad and I attended Newspring's membership class and officially became members. I am SO excited. Furthermore, I'm getting baptized this Sunday. Originally, I didn't really know how to feel about it. Didn't I get baptized as a baby? Being Methodist, the idea of submerging myself in a pool of water in front of hundreds of people not only terrifies me, but makes me highly uncomfortable. But, then again, Christ died on a cross for me. My comfort, or His kingdom? (thanks, pastor Perry) I just consider it kind of the finishing mark of re-committing my life to Christ. After all, the Bible does tell us that after commitment, baptism is the next step. After getting over the original uneasy feeling, I can't wait for it. Like, just getting cleaned of everything and coming out a new person? That's a lot to swallow. Let's just pray I don't slip in front of everyone or something...I would do that.
Along with said membership, Chad and I decided to volunteer with the Fuse Student Ministry this summer and are going to observe tomorrow night in order to feel it all out. SO PUMPED.
I guess along with fulfilling the whole volunteering point of my list, this also fulfills staying strong in my faith. which leads me to...
Crazy Love. It's a book by Francis Chan and I can honestly tell you it's been so influential in my life lately. It basically talks about God's unfathomable love for us and how the American church has pretty much turned into something far from what the Bible tells us it should be. If you haven't read it PLEASE do. It is so amazing and will truly change your outlook about your faith and how you live life. No doubt.
I finally met the family I'm babysitting for this summer and I start June 7th. Although two 6-year olds and a 9 year old is going to be a handful, they're a fun group of kids and I honestly can't wait. Don't get me wrong, hanging out with my boyfriend and friends has been SO nice, I have been getting pretty bored lately. Having no money can be a problem. Let's hope the next few weeks go by a little quick like.
Chad finally found a job (after searching for months)...and FINALLY got texting back! Welcome to the 20th century! Anyone heading to Jiffy Lube in Florence give him a shout. no, seriously. Oh, and since you begged....Hey Dad. (there's your shoutout) Thanks for some awesome dinner tonight.
That's all that's been going on here lately, although I'll be sure to keep you updated if anything else happens. (Hoping to conquer this skiing thing sometime soon.)
Happy Summer!
Much Love,
Emma
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Summer Goal List
So, out of pure boredom, I present to you my random list of things I will accomplish this summer:
1) i WILL learn to waterski. Or hey, I'm going to atleast attempt. This could get ugly
2) Start volunteering more; Habitat for Humanity, Animal Shelter, Medical Clinic...there are so many people in Darlington that need so much help. I'm so blessed so I think it's time for me to start giving back to a community that's given to me for so long.
3) Become a volunteer at Newspring; I just love that place so much!!
4) Continue to grow stronger in my faith; Being away from my PC bubble will be a little difficult, but with a little prayer and a lot of scripture, my walk with Christ will continue to persist...while hopefully bringing others along for the ride as well.
5) Get over appearances; whatever, so obviously I'm not going to be the skinniest girl on the beach. whatever. God doesn't care what I look like.
6) Go running more; As much as I hate to admit it, I really do get a little enjoyment out of running...after I'm finished. Why not kill two birds with one stone? Get my lazy rear end into shape all the while having more time to clear my head.
7) Start planning for next year; Sophomore class president, bluefish, and ADPi? Next year could get interesting. Let the planning and brainstorming commence...
8) Commit more time to being with my grandmother: I went and visited her and Papa the other day when I got home and it made me realize just how fast things change. I really need to buckle down and spend more time with her. Even though it's hard to see her sick, I don't want to have any regrets.
9) I will start saving. Money is tight...especially as a college student. I'm going to make the best out of what I get paid this summer, and glorify God with all of it. Which leads me to Titheing. God, I really need to do better. And I will; starting now.
10) Make it one to remember: Call me cliche, whatever. This year has truly made me realize how fast time flies, so I don't want to look back and realize that I had any time that went to waste. Here's to a summer full of worship, fellowship, volunteering, lake weekends, beach weekends, time with my family and boyfriend, and preparing for next year.
Something tells me that this summer is going to fly by and before i know it, I'll be moving into Clinton 3rd. I will make the best of it.
Good luck to everyone still in exams. Y'all stay safe!
Much Love,
Emma
1) i WILL learn to waterski. Or hey, I'm going to atleast attempt. This could get ugly
2) Start volunteering more; Habitat for Humanity, Animal Shelter, Medical Clinic...there are so many people in Darlington that need so much help. I'm so blessed so I think it's time for me to start giving back to a community that's given to me for so long.
3) Become a volunteer at Newspring; I just love that place so much!!
4) Continue to grow stronger in my faith; Being away from my PC bubble will be a little difficult, but with a little prayer and a lot of scripture, my walk with Christ will continue to persist...while hopefully bringing others along for the ride as well.
5) Get over appearances; whatever, so obviously I'm not going to be the skinniest girl on the beach. whatever. God doesn't care what I look like.
6) Go running more; As much as I hate to admit it, I really do get a little enjoyment out of running...after I'm finished. Why not kill two birds with one stone? Get my lazy rear end into shape all the while having more time to clear my head.
7) Start planning for next year; Sophomore class president, bluefish, and ADPi? Next year could get interesting. Let the planning and brainstorming commence...
8) Commit more time to being with my grandmother: I went and visited her and Papa the other day when I got home and it made me realize just how fast things change. I really need to buckle down and spend more time with her. Even though it's hard to see her sick, I don't want to have any regrets.
9) I will start saving. Money is tight...especially as a college student. I'm going to make the best out of what I get paid this summer, and glorify God with all of it. Which leads me to Titheing. God, I really need to do better. And I will; starting now.
10) Make it one to remember: Call me cliche, whatever. This year has truly made me realize how fast time flies, so I don't want to look back and realize that I had any time that went to waste. Here's to a summer full of worship, fellowship, volunteering, lake weekends, beach weekends, time with my family and boyfriend, and preparing for next year.
Something tells me that this summer is going to fly by and before i know it, I'll be moving into Clinton 3rd. I will make the best of it.
Good luck to everyone still in exams. Y'all stay safe!
Much Love,
Emma
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