Alright guys, time for me to get deep and philosophical. I just went and saw "The Blind Side" and I am feeling like a pretty, well, for lack of a better word, crappy person. I've been having this feeling for a long time, but the movie has brought these feelings toward the front of my brain, and although it may be a hard reality to face, it's time to face it. I'm lost. I'll admit it, already! I feel that, although I have grown SO much as a person this semester, I have lost something. What is it, you ask? I've gained so much, what could it possibly be, right? I have new friends, old friends, a wonderful education, decent grades, a car, a home, and, most importantly a family. What in the world am I lacking? One word.
God.
I had SUCH an amazing bond with him when I got to school, but, with all of the hustle and bustle of new friends, classes, and my social life, I've finally come to terms that I've put him after all of it. I can't tell you the last time I went to church. Partly, because I don't belong at my church at home due to past issues, but I know that this is no excuse. So, call it an early New Years Resolution, if you will, but I have just made one. This year, I'm reaffirming my relationship with the Lord. I'm not perfect. He knows this. However, I have for SO incredibly long put him at the back of my mind and ignored the fact that he is still with me. I dont know, maybe if I don't think about all the wrong things I'm doing he won't see them, right? Especially if I don't think about them...right? WRONG.
I guess you can call this an epiphany, but whatever it is, it's something I needed. This Holiday Season, I'm making it my goal to find myself and figure out my relationship with Christ. He's missing and it's time to open my heart to him again.
He has just done SO much for me, ya know? (Note: I know I'm ranting...sorry.) Who am I to just assume that it's okay?! What in the world am I thinking? He doesn't have to love me. He didn't have to send his son to die for MY sins! But guess what? He did. And I have been nothing but ungrateful and unappreciative. How have I shown him my thanks? By going out to the houses, being selfish, and not going to church? Wow, great job, Emma.
But ya know what? After all of this...all of this..SIN, he still loves me. And he's going to forgive me. Again. Once more have I messed up, and once more is he going to clean up my mess. This time, I'm doing things differently. There's a new Emma going back to PC next semester, and she's focused on what's most important to her. The Lord.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
Don't forget what it's all about.
Much Love,
Emma
Emma -
ReplyDeletewow! sometimes it is sooo hard to confront our sins and admit that the Lord has convicted us! when i came to school i knew that i was a believer but that i did not have a true *realtionship* with him. but since i have been at PC i know that i have really found that! this may sound weird but i'm so happy that you have been convicted by the Lord! know that it will be really hard, and it will always be hard. it's so hard for me all of the time! and know that you can't do it on your own, but with God as your foundation you can!
Hope you have a GREAT Christmas and break, and please know that you can call me or whatever if you ever want to talk! :)
loves.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing"
John 15:5
That second part was really beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI kind of understand where you're coming from, too. When I came to school, my "to-do list" was to fit in, ake friends, and then invest in my relationship with God. I was at school for almost a semester and realized that I was loosing myself. My relationship with God was always such a big part of how I saw myself, but without a good relationship with Him I was lost.
Now that I'm investing in my relationship with God again, I feel like I'm on the right path again.
Holla at your girl if you want company for church one Sunday or Wednesday, unless you've already got a group and church home. I go every Sunday at Wednesday at the Episcopal church while we're in Clinton! =]