Cancer.

The six letter word that does nothing but simply take my breath away. The six letter word that scares me to death. The six letter word that makes families cry in fear and mourn in sadness. That six letter word that holds the key to someone's fate at the drop of a hat.

That six letter word that will be fought and conquered by my grandmother.

After a marvelous first half of my spring break in Charleston, I came home today with the expectations of a few family dinners, catching up with old friends, and getting plenty of sleep. Isn't it funny how quickly things change? I'm not just talking about MY plans. I'm talking about plans in general. Life plans, career plans, social plans...just plans.
To save you a bunch of details, my grandmother "me-ma", has been diagnosed with, what is believed to be stage four throat cancer. I've been tossing and turning in my bed for approximately 4 hours now without much success. I've read the Word, said prayer after prayer, and simply cried. I've worried, thought, pondered, and even questioned. Never have I had to ask God "Why?". I've been SO fortunate to never have to ask that question for my own personal reasons. But tonight that changed. I caught myself questioning his intentions. Why do this to her? Why now? Just simply, Why? This is one of those things I've always had to be a by stander with. You know "I know someone who knows someone who had cancer." or, "I know someone who's neighbor's cousin..." Never has it directly affected me. Never.
So, if you are a follower of my blog, you know by now that I absolutely HATE change. Well, something new about me, there's something that I hate much more than change. And that is the feeling of being helpless. With this new chapter in my life, and with this new challenge, God is providing me with an opportunity to conquer both of these fears. You can bet that I will be home every weekend to be there with Me-ma and to provide the little support that I'm able to when a phonecall simply isn't enough. One of the biggest fears about this whole thing is being 2 hours away with absolutely NOTHING I can do but pray. That's when you gotta have faith; it's absolutely necessary. I just have to continue to tell myself that.
Then, in my struggle and Quest to God for strength, I read Isaiah 4:10. It reads,

"So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Even in times like this, I am so amazed at God's ability to knock me off my feet with His grace. Do not be afraid. Simple, right? Well, maybe not simple, but with Him, it's easier. I just pray that he blesses me with the ability to pass this reassurance to those in my family who need to hear it as well. My mom who is being so strong for her mom and her brothers. My sister who is coping and trying to help the best she can. My grandfather who is struggling to accept the fact that his wife is sick. My stepfather who is being super supportive of his wife without any question what so ever. And my dad who is being so supportive for my sister and I. And everyone else who is praying.

So Cancer. Bring it on. With God by my side, I dare you to try.